Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??