my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment