i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"