Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.