Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he just fucked me for my cheese..