some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
