I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
