everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
