remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
