I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
