im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
