both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
