She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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