OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
