i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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