You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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