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I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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