where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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