Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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