What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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