Small penises have feelings too.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
