apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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