The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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