i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
