best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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