Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Floor bacon is actually really good
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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