when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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