I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
