i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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