Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
