I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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