nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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