If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
