Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
