I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
