I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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