tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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