he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Enjoy the penises
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
