So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
