I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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