i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
