Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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