none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
