The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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