I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
