there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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