this boner is exhausting
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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