I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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