my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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