I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
