Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
