You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
