I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
