i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
