My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
