I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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