He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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