this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
