Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
