Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
