He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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