I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
