dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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