you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
