I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
