oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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