I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
