she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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