if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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