actually, I'm a sock model
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
