Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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