Having a random hookup so left but love u
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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