wrigley field is MILF paradise
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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